Act Three

The street. Xander fires off a couple dozen rounds at the approaching monsters. They turn and run. Xander lowers his rifle. The camera pans down from him to Willow kneeling beside Buffy, who's lying against a tree.

Willow: Buffy, are you alright?

Buffy: What?

Xander: Are you hurt?

Willow: Buffy, are you hurt?

Buffy: (sits up) Buffy?

Willow: (to Xander) She's not Buffy.

Xander: Who's Buffy?

Willow: Oh, this is fun. (to Buffy) What year is this?

Xander takes Buffy's hand and helps her up.

Buffy: 1775, I believe. (confused and hyperventilating) I-I don't understand. Who are you?

Willow: We're friends.

Buffy: F-friends of whom? Y-your dress... Everything is strange! How did I come to be here?

Willow: Breathe, okay, breathe. You're gonna faint again. (to Xander) How are we supposed to get through this without the Slayer?

Xander: What's a Slayer?

A monster comes around the tree behind Buffy and roars, fangs bared and claws raised to attack. Buffy screams and backs off. Xander jumps in and whacks the monster across the face with the butt of his rifle, knocking it down and out.

Xander: I suggest we get inside before we come across anything...

Buffy: (screaming) A DEMON! A DEMON! (gets behind Xander) A DEMON!

A sport utility vehicle comes driving down the street with its headlights on.

Willow: That's not a demon. It's a car.

Buffy: What does it want?

Xander: Is this woman insane?

Willow: She's never seen a car.

Xander: She's never seen a car?

Willow: She's from the past.

Xander: And you're a ghost.

Willow: Yes! Now let's get inside.

Xander: I just want you to know that I'm taking a lot on faith here. Where do we go?

Willow: (thinks) Where's the closest... We can go to a friend's.

Cut to the Summers house. Cut to the kitchen. Xander opens the door and scans the room.

Xander: All clear!

Willow: (walks in) Hello? Mrs. Summers? (no response) Good, she's gone.

Xander closes the door.

Buffy: Where are we?

Willow: Your place. Now we just need to...

There's a banging at the front door. Xander goes to investigate, and Willow and Buffy follow.

Willow: Don't open it!

Xander: Could be a civilian.

Willow: Or a mini demon.

Buffy notices a picture on a table and goes over to look. She picks it up, and sees it's of her wearing a spaghetti strap top. She turns around as Willow comes over to her.

Buffy: This... this could be me.

Willow: It *is* you. Buffy, can't you remember at all?

Buffy: No! I, I don't understand any of this! Uh, uh, th... This is some other girl! (puts the picture back) I would never wear this, that low apparel, and I don't like this place, and I don't like you, and I just wanna go home!

Willow: You *are* home!

Buffy is practically in tears. Willow turns back to Xander.

Willow: She couldn't've dressed up like Xena?

Xander scans the outside through one of the small windows in the door. He moves away just as a monster punches through the glass and reaches for him. It pulls its hand back as Xander raises his M-16.

Willow: Not a civilian!

Xander: Affirmative! (takes aims through the broken portal)

Willow: Hey! What did we say?!

Xander lets loose a volley of bullets. Willow winces at the noise. Buffy bows her head and covers her ears. Xander rolls away from the door when he's finished his burst.

Xander: Big noise scare monster, remember?

Willow: Got it.

They hear a woman screaming outside. Xander looks out again.

Xander: Damn it!

He opens the door and goes out to rescue whomever it is, pulling the door closed behind him. Buffy runs up to Willow.

Buffy: Surely he'll not desert us!

Willow: (shakes her head) Whatever.

She rolls her eyes and heads into the living room. Buffy is wide-eyed with fear. Cut outside. Cordelia screams as she runs from a sasquatch.

Cordelia: Somebody help me!

She looks back at the monster chasing her and screams. When she turns back around again she runs into Xander.

Cordelia: Xander! Help me!

Xander: Come inside!

He takes her by her elbow and leads her to the house. Cut inside. Willow watches through the window. Xander and Cordelia quickly come in through the door.

Willow: Cordelia!

Cordelia: Wait a... What's going on?

Willow: Okay, your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're in high school, and we're your friends. Well, sort of.

Cordelia: That's nice, Willow. And you went mental when?

Willow: You know us?

Cordelia: Yeah. Lucky me. What's with the name game?

Willow: A lot's going on.

Cordelia: No kidding. I was just attacked by Jo-Jo, the Dog-Faced Boy. Look at my costume! (shows the torn sleeve) Do you really think that Partytown's gonna give me my deposit back? Not on the likely.

Xander has taken his shirt off and puts it around her shoulders.

Xander: Here.

Cordelia: Thanks.

Willow: Okay. You guys stay here while I get some help. If something tries to get in, just fight it off.

Buffy: Well, i-it's not our place to fight. Uh, surely some men will protect us.

Cordelia: What's that riff?

Willow: I-it's like amnesia, okay? They don't know who they are. Just sit tight. (starts to go)

Cordelia: Who died and made her the boss?

Willow walks through the wall behind Cordelia. Buffy stares in wide-eyed amazement. Cut outside. Several monsters are chasing people down the street past Spike.

Spike: Well! This is just... neat!

Cut inside. Xander brings a chair over from the dining room.

Xander: (to Cordelia) You! Check upstairs. Make sure everything's locked up.

He positions the chair to help hold the table they've upended against the window in place. Cordelia heads upstairs.

Buffy: Surely there's somewhere we can go. A safe haven.

Xander: Lady said stay put.

Buffy: You would take orders from a woman? A-are you feeble in some way?

Xander: Ma'am, in the Army we have a saying: sit down and shut the...

He sees a picture on the floor

Xander: Whoa!

He picks it up. It's of the three of them.

Xander: She must be right. We must have some kind of amnesia.

Buffy: I don't know what that is, but I'm certain I don't have it. I bathe quite often!

Xander: How do you explain this?

Buffy: I don't! I was brought up a proper lady. I-I wasn't meant to understand things. I'm just meant to look pretty, and then someone nice will marry me. Possibly a Baron.

Xander: This ain't no tea party, princess. Sooner or later you're gonna have to fight!

Buffy: Fight these low creatures? (snotty) I'd sooner die. (crosses her arms)

Xander: Then you'll die.

Angel comes in from the kitchen.

Angel: Oh, good! You guys are alright. It's total chaos out there.

They both look at him.

Buffy and Xander: Who are you?

Cut to the library. Giles is going through a stack of cards he's pulled from the card catalog. He hears yelling and sirens outside and looks up, wondering what's going on. He sees Willow come though the wall and jumps in complete surprise, letting the cards fly all over the place.

Giles: Jeez!

Willow: Hi.

Giles: (calms down a bit) Uh... ah... (speechless) huh...

Cut to Buffy's house.

Angel: Okay, somebody wanna fill me in?

Xander: Do you live here?

Angel: No, and you know that. Buffy, (she jumps) I'm lost here. You... What's up with your hair?

Cordelia: (comes back in) They don't know who they are, everyone's turned into a monster, it's a whole big thing. (smiles) How are you?

The lights go out. Buffy grabs Cordelia in fright.

Cordelia: Do you mind?

Buffy lets go of her.

Xander: (to Angel) You take the princess and secure the kitchen. Catwoman, you're with me.

Cordelia follows Xander as Angel heads for the kitchen.

Buffy: But I don't wanna go with you! I-I like the man with the musket!

Angel: (takes her arm) C'mon.

Buffy: Do you have a musket?

They go into the kitchen. Angel sees that the door is open.

Angel: I didn't leave that open.

He quietly moves toward the door as he looks around for an intruder. He closes the door. The basement door behind Buffy opens, and a vampire attacks her. She tries to push the door closed on him. Angel grabs the vampire and wrestles him to the floor. It's the student escort in a vampire costume.

Angel: A stake!

Buffy: A what?

Angel: Get me a stake!

Buffy looks around and grabs a knife she sees on the counter.

Angel: Hurry up!

He turns to look what's keeping her and has his game face on. Buffy screams at the top of her lungs. She runs for the door.

Angel: Buffy, no!

She opens the door and runs out. Cut to the library. Giles is in the cage getting a stack of old papers. He blows the dust off of them and comes back out. Willow is looking at a book.

Willow: I don't even know what I'm looking for. Plus I can't turn the page.

Giles: Well, alright, l-let's, let's, let's review. (sets the papers on the table) Um, so everybody became, uh, whatever they were masquerading as.

Willow: Right. Xander was a soldier and Buffy was an 18th-century girl.

Giles: (confused) A-and, uh, your, your costume?

Willow: I'm a ghost!

Giles: Yes. Um... w, uh, uh, uh, the ghost of what, exactly?

Willow: (covers her midriff with her arms) Well, this is nothing. You should see what Cordelia was wearing. A-a, a unitard with cat things, like ears and stuff.

Giles: Good heavens. Uh, sh-sh-she became an actual feline?

Willow: No! She was the same old Cordelia. Just in a cat costume.

Giles: She didn't change.

Willow: No. Hold on... Partytown. She told us she got her outfit from Partytown.

Giles: A-a-and everyone who changed, they, they, they, they acquired their costumes where?

Willow: We all got ours at a new place. Ethan's.

Cut to an alley. Buffy runs between all the trash that's piled up there. Cut to the street. Cordelia, Angel and Xander are looking for Buffy. Xander has his rifle raised and ready. The camera follows them as they walk.

Xander: Are you sure she came this way?

Angel: No.

Cordelia: She'll be okay.

Angel: *Buffy* would be okay. Whoever she is now, she's helpless. C'mon!

The camera moves behind a tree where Spike is hiding and overhearing their conversation. He turns to the child monsters Willow was chaperoning.

Spike: Do you hear that, my friends?

The monsters nod and growl.

Spike: Somewhere out here is the (cut to Buffy running down the alley) *tenderest* meat you've *ever* tasted, and all *we* have to do is find her first!

Buffy has stopped running and leans against a crate. She sniffs and looks around, frightened.

Act Four

The alley. Buffy looks around, trying to decide what to do. She lifts her skirt a bit and starts to walk. She turns around to look behind her and takes a few steps backward. When she turns back around Larry, who has turned into a pirate, startles her. He smiles widely at her, showing his rotten teeth.

Larry: Pretty, pretty!

Buffy tries to run away, and Larry gives chase. Cut to Ethan's Costume Shop. Giles looks around as he and Willow come in.

Giles: Hello! Anyone home?

Willow sees the curtain to the back room partially open.

Willow: Giles...

They slowly go in and see the statue of Janus there. Its eyes glow green.

Giles: Janus. Roman mythical god.

Willow: What does this mean?

Giles: Primarily the division of self. Male and female, light and dark.

Ethan: (appears) Chunky and creamy. Oh, no, sorry, that's peanut butter.

Giles stares at Ethan as though he's seen a ghost.

Giles: Willow, get out of here, now.

Willow: But...

Giles: Now!

She obeys him and goes.

Giles: Hello, Ethan.

Ethan: Hello, Ripper.

Cut to the alley. Buffy backs away from Larry. She turns to run, but trips and falls. Her gown billows out around her. Larry grabs her as she tries to get up and shoves her against a crate. He pushes her hair away from her frightened face and moves in to kiss her. Xander comes running and tackles Larry down to the pavement. He gets up and pulls Larry up and into a metal warehouse door. He punches him in the face and gut. Larry pushes him off and into the opposite alley wall and punches him back in the gut. Xander grabs Larry's arm and pulls it behind his back, forcing him to bend over, and knees him in the stomach. Cordelia arrives behind Buffy with Angel.

Cordelia: Buffy! Are you okay?

Buffy sees Angel, yelps and cowers behind a box.

Cordelia: What's your deal? Take a pill!

Larry attacks Xander with his pirate's sword. Xander sidesteps him, grabs him by the wrist and twists his arm around, making him drop the sword. He lifts Larry back up and punches him, sending him sprawling into a pile of trash.

Buffy: He's, he's a vampire!

Cordelia: (to Angel) She's got this thing where she thinks... (exasperated) Uhhh, forget it. (to Buffy) It's okay. Angel is a good vampire. He would never hurt you.

Buffy: (slowly stands up) Really?

Cordelia: Absolutely. He's our friend.

Angel heads over to Xander fighting Larry. Xander punches Larry, sending him into the pile of trash and a stack of boxes again. Several boxes fall off of the top and onto Larry. He is knocked out cold.

Xander: (to Angel) It's strange, but beating up that pirate gave me a weird sense of closure.

Willow comes running down the alley from the other end.

Willow: Guys!

Angel: Willow!

Willow: Guys, you gotta get inside.

She looks back and they see Spike and his monster gang coming.

Xander: We need a triage!

Angel: (points the other way) This way! Find an open warehouse.

Xander turns and picks up his rifle.

Xander: Ladies, we're on the move!

He quickly heads down the alley. Cordelia and Willow follow him. Angel lifts Buffy and carries her away. Spike and the monsters walk after them at a quick, deliberate pace. Cut to Ethan's.

Ethan: What? No hug? Aren't you pleased to see your old mate, Rupert?

Giles: I'm just surprised I didn't guess it was you. This Halloween stunt stinks of Ethan Rayne.

Ethan: Yes, it does, doesn't it? Don't wish to blow my own trumpet, but it's genius. The very embodiment of 'be careful what you wish for'.

Giles: It's sick, brutal, and it harms the innocent.

Ethan: Oh, and we all know that you are the champion of innocents and all things pure and good, Rupert. It's quite a little act you've got going here, old man.

Giles: It's no act. It's who I am.

Ethan: Who you are? The Watcher, sniveling, tweed-clad guardian of the Slayer and her kin? I think not. I know who you are, Rupert, and I know what you're capable of. (considers) But they don't, do they? They have no idea where you come from.

Giles: Break the spell, Ethan. Then leave this place and never come back.

Ethan: Why should I? What's in the bargain for me?

Giles: You get to live.

Ethan: Oh, Rupert, you're scaring me.

Giles punches him in the gut with a left, making him double over, and follows up with a right to the face. Cut to the alley. Angel has gotten ahead of the others and finds an open warehouse.

Angel: Over here!

Xander pushes the door aside, and they all hurry in.

Xander: Check if there are any other ways in!

He slides the door closed again as Angel sets Buffy back down on her feet next to Cordelia.

Angel: Just stay here.

The monsters arrive and start pounding on the door from outside. Xander picks up a large grate and sets it in front of the door on top of some barrels he's already moved into place. Buffy is holding on tightly to Cordelia.

Cordelia: Oh, faboo, more clinging.

Xander picks up another grate and sets it behind the first one as the monsters get the door open. They pound against it as he tries to hold it in place.

Xander: GOOOOO!

They all start running again, and Xander follows when he can no longer hold the grating against the monsters. The grates fall to the floor as two monsters come in and push the barrels aside. Spike follows them in and looks around. He leads the monsters off after them. Cut to Ethan's. Ethan is on the floor, severely beaten up.

Ethan: And you said the Ripper was long gone.

Giles: Tell me how to stop the spell.

Ethan: Say 'pretty please'.

Giles kicks him hard in the kidney, and he yells out in pain. Cut to the warehouse. Spike has caught up with them, and the monsters hold Xander and Angel. He slowly closes in on Buffy as she backs away, trembling.

Spike: Look at you. Shaking. Terrified. Alone. Lost little lamb.

Buffy has backed up against a crate and can't go any further. Spike slaps her across the face with the back of his hand.

Spike: I love it.

Angel struggles with the two monsters holding him.

Angel: Buffy!

Spike puts his left hand around her throat and bends her backward onto the crate. He strokes her forehead with his right hand. Xander struggles with his two captors. Spike grabs Buffy's hair and closes in for the bite. Cut to Ethan's. Giles kicks him again.

Giles: Now, tell me how to stop the spell.

Ethan: Janus. Break its statue.

Giles grabs the statue and lifts it over his head to smash it. Cut to the warehouse. Xander gets free of the monsters and punches one in the face, the other in the gut, and then shoves the second monster into the first. Spike closes in on Buffy. Xander turns his attention to Spike.

Willow: Now that guy you *can* shoot.

Xander grabs his M-16. Cut to Ethan's. Giles throws the statue hard to the floor, smashing it into tiny pieces. Cut to the warehouse. Xander shoulders his toy rifle.

Xander: What the...

The monsters have all turned back into children and student escorts. The kids are frightened, and begin to cry and complain.

Kid: I'm scared! I want my mommy!

Spike looks back at them and straightens up. He pulls on Buffy's hair to pull her up and finds he just has a wig in his hands. He looks at Buffy. She gets up off of the crate and smiles at him.

Buffy: Hi, honey. I'm home.

She punches him in the gut, twice in the face, and kicks him in the chest, making him stagger back into a set of mobile stairs. He grabs a length of pipe that's leaning there and swings it at her. She catches the end of it and pulls him around and into the crate he had her against. She uses the pipe like a quarterstaff and swings it into his jaw and jabs him in the stomach. He doubles over in pain.

Buffy: You know what? It's good to be me.

She brings the pipe up into his chin from underneath. He flies back onto the crate, then slides off onto the floor. Cut to Ethan's. Giles looks behind him and sees that Ethan has gone. Cut to the warehouse. Buffy is through fighting. Spike gets up and growls at her, then makes a hasty retreat. Buffy drops the pipe and turns to the others. Xander comes over to her.

Xander: Hey, Buff. Welcome back.

Buffy: Yeah! You, too.

Cordelia: You guys remember what happened?

Xander: It was way creepy. It's like I was there, but I couldn't get out.

Cordelia: Yeah, I know the feeling. This outfit's totally skintight.

She looks up at Angel as he comes over to Buffy.

Angel: You okay?

Buffy: Yeah.

He puts his arm around her shoulders and leads her away.

Cordelia: Hello?! It felt like I was talking, my lips were moving and...

Xander: (shakes his head). Give it up, Cordy. You're never gonna get between those two. Believe me, I know.

Cordelia: Well, (indicates the kids) I guess you better get them back to their parents.

Xander: (looks around) Yeah, everybody seems to... Where's Willow?

Cut to the house where Willow collapsed. The camera pans from the pumpkin over to her. She wakes and gets up, pulling the ghost sheet off. She's a bit out of breath. She realizes how she's dressed and starts to put the sheet back on, but thinks better of it and throws it into a trashcan as she walks off the porch. Cut to the street. Oz is driving along in his van. He pulls to a stop at an intersection and sees Willow cross the street in front of him. He watches her as she continues away. "How She Died", by Treble Charger, plays on the van's stereo.

Lyrics: You got the best of me / And, gee, you took so long / The things you put me through / Seemed to be so wrong

Oz: Who is that girl?

Lyrics: You took your...

Cut to the Summers house. Cut to Buffy's room. Angel is lounging on her bed. She opens the door and comes in wearing a tank top and sweatpants.

Buffy: Tada. Just little old 20th-century me.

Angel: Sure you're okay?

Buffy: I'll live.

She walks over to him, and he sits up on the bed.

Angel: I don't get it, Buffy. Why'd you think I'd like you better dressed that way?

Buffy: (sits next to him) I just wanted to be a real girl for once. The kind of fancy girl you liked when you were my age.

Angel: (ironically) Oh, ho.

Buffy: What?

Angel: I hated the girls back then. Especially the noble women.

Buffy: (nods) You did.

Angel: They were just incredibly dull. Simpering morons, the lot of them. I always wished I could meet someone... exciting. (looks her in the eyes) Interesting.

Buffy: Really? Interesting how?

Angel: You know how.

Buffy: Still, I had a really hard day. You should probably tell me.

Angel: (smiles and draws nearer) You're right. I should.

Buffy: (gets closer) Definitely.

They kiss gently yet passionately. She cradles his face in her hands. Cut to Ethan's. The place has been emptied. Giles comes in the front door. He walks over to the main counter and looks around. He sees a note propped up on another counter and goes over to it. He picks it up and reads it.

Note: Be seeing you...

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